…that bitter old friend. I’ve lived with it for so many years, it took the most varied shapes, always present, there deep inside and yet always elusive.
Many things can cause pain; physical or emotional. One of the main reasons to feel pain is disappointment. When something that you are expecting doesn’t work after all. And I’m not talking about something that is cancelled or taken away in time. What I’m talking about is when something that you’re expecting gets taken away from you without warning and in the last minute. That really hurts… Ouch…
All the logical and practical reasons are there and they are absolutely correct, no harm, no foul. And yet in the begining I feel nothing but acceptance. “Yes, that’s the best thing!” I say. Then, a few minutes later it hits, as hard as a baseball bat in the head. The pain, it hurts. I feel it deep, hurting and aching. And time passes and I think and rethink, and the pain brings forth the anger. You see? I’ve learned a long time ago that beneath anger there’s almost always a deep pain or sorrow waiting to be discovered, recognized and exposed.
I start to bring out all those angry thoughts, and every possible reason or argument that could justify my feelings pops into my head. I feel that anger through and through. And then it starts to subside. Hot temper starts to cool down, I start deep diving into myself and I rediscover and recognize that old friend. The pain.
There are no questions. Nothing like “Why me?” or “What have I done?”. There’s only pain. Emotional pain that can be felt physically. I can feel it, I’ll stay there and I’ll wait for the storm to pass. It WILL pass, there’s no doubt about it.
It’s only a matter of time and patience.