Panoramic of Life


This is a song about loneliness…
No.
It’s not.

It’s a song about being alone with yourself, but not lonely. It inspires me to spend time with myself, to listen to my deepest thoughts, see my feelings and acknowledge them.

It’s like a long walk in the desert, very much like the Australian Aboriginal walkabouts they do through the great outback. Maybe if I went back in the Northern Territories I would enjoy it all in a different manner, see it with different eyes and feel it with a new heart. I have grown so much in the last years, so many things have changed or evolved in me. I’m listening to myself, hearing my feelings and recognizing them.

I’ve been told so many times that we need to be with others in order to be able to grow and learn, and yet, I’ve resisted that notion for so long. Why? Simple. It just doesn’t make much emotional sense to me. Not in the way I was told.
I do believe that we can and do grow alone. We are born alone. We die alone. We live alone and we grow alone.
And somewhere along the way in our lifetimes we share our growth with some other person and grow together. Each one growing in their own sense and rate. You really do not exit your moments with someone else the same way you entered them. Something changed, something has grown, evolved.
And yet, when you are alone you’re always growing.

Too much? Too little? Too fast? Too slow?
None of the above.

Just growing, changing, evolving. There is no better or worse, there’s just difference. Such marvelous difference.
Some say I have a mission in this life of mine, and they are most likely right. I accept that. And I also feel… know, that I am not ready to fulfill that mission, or yet discovered what that mission is. I was told that I have a mission to help others.
Who others? I ask. Humans? Other animals?

I need to feel strong to be able to do that without self-destroying. I’m not scared, I just know that I will explode if I give myself to that mission. I need to learn how to say “NO”. I am slowly learning to say “NO” before becoming completely drained. It feels like a very slow process, and I am feeling it slow and I like to take it slow.

Baby steps…

One at a time.